really...

It's tuesday and I'm already exhausted. Work is crazy as always, but I'm proud that I'm really learning. I found out today that Neesha is leaving BGCTA and now I feel significantly better about our decision.



Exhaustion is currently mixing with a bit of lonesomeness. It's so odd that for so long I tried to be the most independent and i have fell in it like everyone else. I guess I am glad to be back in this stage of my relationship again. It definately beats fighting all the time, but being this in deeply in love is not exactly comfortable for me. I enjoy control, this is the opposite of control. Kemper has only been gone for two days and just want him to be back. I can't write about this and not feel gay so it's got to stop.



I'm making a purposeful point of trying to write more and trying to push myself out of my comfort zone. I am doing it in my professional life ( I went to a fundraising meeting for Neesha with complete strangers, dealing with something that I was completely out of the loop on and I did really well). So more writing, I think, will eventually make better writing.